Here are seven new poems, ladies and gentlemen. To indicate the amount of time that went into their production, I've included the number of drafts and line number changes for each of the pieces. Enjoy. There will be seven more tomorrow. ;)
• "how i spent my summer vacation" (5 drafts; 17 to 22 lines)
• "what it is" (3 drafts; 34 to 15 lines)
• "a harrowing thought" (2 drafts; 16 to 29 lines)
• "the birth of venus" (6 drafts; 31 to 21 lines)
• "apparition above the sink" (unfinished) (4 drafts; 52 to 18 lines)
• "stolen thoughts" (1 draft)
• "life on parquet" (6 drafts; 20 to 15 lines)
poetry speaks
and i am reminded
of you speaking
lyrical speak
double speak
speaking of speaking
like a double
dong ding donging
at the door to heaven
peaking in your hand
as you knock
slap
tweak
the bells of heaven
as you jerk
pull
and part
the stairway to heaven
this is my body
eat and remember me
in your bed
on the bus
in your head
the mighty cock
of the pen in my hand
traveling the white of my skin
as you drink from the cup
drink and remember me
watching you enter
the pink
red cries
of my eternal youth
poetry speaks
and i
think of you.
that is quite possibly the oddest thing ive written... so i guess that is your influence, and so, for you.
It's wonderful - but why did you break it into these gradually-decreasing stanzas? I think it would flow better in one complete block.
Anyways, since we're on the subject, here is my new poetic doctrine (I stress "my" here):
The Poetic Doctrine v.1.0
1. Edit.
2. State the obvious subtly and the subtle obviously.
3. Confess for the sake of poetry, not confession.
4. Place rhythm and visual structure above meaning; the meaning will come.
5. Control the reader's eye and voice; never let them control you.
6. Retain the accidental and fortuitous.
7. Create rules and remain consistent; break them occasionally.
8. It is better to not conclude than to conclude badly.
9. Rounded corners and symmetry only get you as far as the world of perfect forms.
10. On peut souffrir pour être belle.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not getting up on my high horse. I just think I have just shifted into a whole new poetic phase, just the other day.
you know i did have this in one whole block when i wrote it. I dont know why i broke it down... but i don't think i like the ramblingness even though i think that is probably the god damn rhythm of the whole thing. *sigh*
maybe i got number 4 the other way around. :P
and i remain true to my poetic credo, none whatsoever.
Hey, my doctrine works only for me. Personally, I think that rambling verse will show its true colours in one and many stanzas alike. There's very little I can fix, in terms of stanza breaks without rewriting the actual lines themselves. #4 is, very important, however (selon moi).
Now, I'm a bit confused about your poetic credo (I love the phrase, however) - none what whatsoever?
Lastly, I must ask a more pointed question: why is it you often reply to my work? Granted, some of your pieces are simply fantastic, but don't you have enough in your life to make your own way - poetically-speaking? I know you did, before, and I'm quite sure you still do now; you just need a lot of encouragement.
Stop massaging my ego and give me some of that proud, uncompromising verse that I've seen you make more than once. Get to it.
i have no inspiration. im not sure this was a response to you. i dont know.
im kinda spread out. so yeah.
i need to get laid. i need the tactile again... so i can write. :P
Well, fair enough; I was not saying you haven't got anything to say. I was only wondering why you don't say much these days.
As for the tactile, don't tell me you haven't had any since the last time we knocked boots! Go out and get some, ASAP! (Just don't tell me about it - in prose. ;)