simpleRECURSION || Do you still exist?

July 4, 2008

Do you still exist?

11:14 PM

To Blazej Krukowski, with Love

i do not exist
i do not exist
i do not exist
(and neither does I

i have a mouth
  and i must scream
i have a mouth
  and i must scream
i have a mouth
  and i must scream
and i must scream
and i must be silent

(I does not exist
and neither does i

i am an epigrammatic multitude
a lexical confrontation of write and wrong
i am your quilted apology
    your excuse for incompetence
  and always  always a multitude
a low multitude
a high multitude
a terrible multitude
    of self contradiction
  and pain

the mind mouths
what the eye sees
but how can the eye see
if the i does not exist
(and neither does I

time flies
flesh wastes
  paper stops and flies
sex on the mind
    hemingwayan nothingness
   on the face

why?

how does the one learn
nothingness

the one becomes
nothingness

so there is nothing
left to teach or learn

hello sir
  do you still exist
hello sir
  do you still exist
hello sir
  do you still exist

the words are me nin less
  he s lla les ar  mean n less
t  pun tua ion  s meanin l s
    p op e  re  m    gl
p  tr    m  i  e

hel o si
  o  u  ti  e ist
  ell
h  o
  l

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Comments

If I had a cock
It would rule the world
It would erect buildings
And produce monuments
To be worshipped
And you would kneel
Bow down and sing

If I had a cock
It would win
It would surge into battle
Invade, divide and conquer
And lead the troops to victory
And you would fall before him
enslaved

If I had a cock
It would sing
And trumpet itself
In the band of cocks
It would wave and conduct
And orchestrate the world

Posted by MLP on July 15, 2008 5:43 AM

It's good, but there's something off about it. First of all, the capitalisation of every line doesn't really work for me. Secondly, consider this: your first and second stanzas are both seven lines each, and the last one is six lines long. Now, I understand that this could be an inadvertent, subconscious A A' B pattern, but there are greater forces at work here.

Are the last two lines of the first two stanzas necessary? I believe they are not. For example, "Bow down and sing" and "Enslaved" are segues into completely new ideas. Changing the former to "And you would kneel before it" and the latter to "And you would fall before him" would not only create a nice parallelism, but also leave some room for some subtlety.

As for the last stanza, I would change "And orchestrate the world" to "And rule the world."

Posted by Mike on July 15, 2008 9:58 AM