Thanks, man!

Always a Frasier. ;)

hey bear, gimme a writing exercise? I haven't written in ages.

Avec plaisir. Write me a regular, Shakespearean sonnet on the following subject: the orgasm. You know...fourteen lines, ten syllables per line (following the "x / x / x / x / x /" iambic pentameter structure); the sonnet should have an "ABAB CDCD EFEF GG" rhyme scheme (and the last two lines must be a heroic couplet).

The poem must be a parody on John Donne's "Death, be not proud..."; if possible, it should include a pun on "La petite mort."

This is a bitchin' conceit, and I was a bit reluctant to give it up, but I know you can pull it off if you do the work. Good luck! ;)

*GAPES*

Honey. I can't do this. NUH UH. No way. Too much structure. Structure scares me.

ps. I like the short hair ons you. :)

Yes, yes; gaping is good. Regardless, why won't you challenge yourself? Come on!

Short hair? Mhumm. I don't know about that...it's thinning out. Which photo are you referring to?

the back arches and curls into a coil
a million screams and sighs singing through veins
stoking, stroking, striking heat to a boils
flaying senses and tearing the remains

How am i doing?

that should read boil not boils. Haha.

Yeah, I got it. Eww. ;)

Well, get rid of the commas and adjust your word choice and rhythm. Make it more carnal, more personal:

the back arches and curls in a coil
a million screams surge through my veins
striking stroking stoking heat to a boil
you flay my senses and tear my remains

Mhumm. For extra kink, try "and tear at my remains."

Rapture, let not it rule you or your days
Let not the body dictate your actions
Or the mind lay languid in lustful haze.
Be not subdued or reigned by distractions:
The back arching and curling in a coil
A million screams and sighs singing through veins
Stoking, stroking, striking heat to a boil
Flaying senses and tearing the remains.
Rapture, do not let it dominate you
Resist and embrace a higher being
Beyond the pleasure that strikes you askew
That splits you open and oh so freeing
Rapture, let not it evade you or leave
Would it be so bad to die in its weave?

I only like the four lines i started with. I may just harvest them and reuse them elsewhere.

OK, this is perfect; I absolutely adore your heroic couplet. I try to avoid harvesting myself, but it doesn't always work. Regardless, here's my attempt at your diamond shackles:

O, Rapture, let not flesh control your days.
Let not the bodies rule upon your actions,
Or let your mind lay languid, in a haze,
Be reigned upon, subdued by your distraction:
Back rising, arching, curling in a coil,
A myriad of screams surge out through veins,
The striking, stoking strokes heat to a boil,
Flaying all sense and tearing the remains.
For Rapture, dominated, is not you.
Resist, persist, embrace a higher being
Beyond the pleasure striking you askew,
That splits you open to the bone, so freeing
Do not evade the body, Rapture; do not leave.
You could do worse than perish in its weave.

Yeah. My version flows better, but lacks your natural sense of self and sense of humour; it's not the same - but I tried! Oh, why won't you edit your work? ;)

what would i need you for then? ;)

Oogling? Pawing? Squeezing? ;)

No, but seriously, what do you think about my edit?

Here's one more minor edit:

O, Rapture, let not flesh control your days.
Let not mere bodies rule upon your actions,
Or let your mind lay languid, in a haze,
Be reigned upon, subdued by your distraction:
Back rising, arching, curling in a coil,
A myriad of screams surge out through veins,
The striking, stoking strokes heat to a boil,
Flaying all sense and tearing the remains.
For Rapture dominated is not you.
Resist, persist, embrace a higher being
Beyond the pleasure striking you askew,
That splits you open to the bone, so freeing
Do not evade the body, Rapture; do not leave.
You could do worse than perish in its weave.